{"id":22996,"date":"2014-03-20T10:12:52","date_gmt":"2014-03-20T14:12:52","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/bookdragon.si.edu\/?p=22996"},"modified":"2014-04-17T20:32:45","modified_gmt":"2014-04-17T20:32:45","slug":"with-or-without-you-by-domenica-ruta","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/apa.si.edu\/bookdragon\/with-or-without-you-by-domenica-ruta\/","title":{"rendered":"With or Without You by Domenica Ruta"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"with<\/a>Ah, well … who needs enemies when you have relatives like debut author Domenica Ruta<\/a>? ‘Dysfunctional’ sounds nearly sane after meeting Ruta’s family on the page or stuck in the ears\u00a0\u2013 choosing the latter is especially recommended as Ruta herself narrates with chilling, detached efficiency.<\/p>\n

Her father \u2013 who abandoned her mother during a Hawai’i vacation when he found out she was pregnant \u2013\u00a0was mostly absent. Her “Uncle Vic” \u2013 apparently known by many of the extended family to be a pedophile\u00a0\u2013\u00a0sexually abused her as a child.<\/p>\n

No one, however, compared to Ruta’s mother Kathi: “Spell [her name] with a Y<\/em> or, God forbid, a C,<\/em> and she’d lacerate your face with her scowl.” Drug addicted (“a narcotic omnivore”), neglectful (“Groceries could wait another day, but Calvin Klein and HBO could not”; “There were several occasions on which my mother let Uncle Vic sleep in my bed when Auntie Lucy threw him out”), abusive (“‘You miserable c***. You don’t love me. You never loved me. I knew it'”), Kathi is surely one of the most monstrous mothers memorialized between the pages.<\/p>\n

Occasionally, surprisingly, Kathi’s maternal instincts kicked in \u2013\u00a0albeit in roundabout ways\u00a0\u2013\u00a0especially when Ruta’s education was at stake: she helped sell a “brick of cocaine” to pay for parochial school, she dressed Ruta “like a prep-school fetish out of\u00a0Playboy\u00a0<\/em>magazine” for her interviews at the “ten most expensive boarding schools in New England” believing she was gaining Ruta admission, then “was envious, heartbroken, and scared, but, more than that, more than anything, she was proud” when Ruta entered 10th grade at Phillips Academy Andover.<\/p>\n

In order to live to tell all, Ruta survived a teenage suicide attempt, her own addictions (alcohol is her drug of choice), and decades of mother\/daughter toxicity, until she finally exorcises her past in print. Amazingly, in a telephone call with a New York Times<\/em> writer, Kathi affirms Ruta’s memories: “‘She lied about nothing. She told the painful, honest truth<\/a>.'” No chance of a James Frey-style expos\u00e9<\/a>\u00a0here!\u00a0
\n<\/em><\/p>\n

Ruta is a visceral writer, arranging her words with blunt clarity. She miraculously avoids any self-pity. Through the bleary and brutal, she even manages surprising moments of pithy humor\u00a0\u2013 laughing through drowning eyes and clenched teeth.<\/p>\n

Reading (or listening) with dropped jaw will surely fulfill any\u00a0Schadenfreude<\/em> fantasies, while reaching book’s end should inspire respect and admiration, perhaps even some fear: the next line of that\u00a0U2 song that I assume inspired the title<\/a> continues with “And you give yourself away …” and then multiple repeats of “I can’t live \/ With or without you …” Now that Ruta’s given herself to legions of readers, let’s hope her survival instincts remain stronger than ever.<\/p>\n

Readers<\/strong>: Adult<\/p>\n

Published<\/strong>: 2013<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Ah, well … who needs enemies when you have relatives like debut author Domenica Ruta? ‘Dysfunctional’ sounds nearly sane after meeting Ruta’s family on the page or stuck in the ears\u00a0\u2013 choosing the latter is especially recommended as Ruta herself narrates with chilling, detached efficiency….<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":25071,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,81,107,60,20],"tags":[6608,1146,208,10,68,51,129,39,598,1147],"class_list":["post-22996","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-adult-readers","category-audio","category-memoir","category-nonethnic-specific","category-nonfiction","tag-bookdragon","tag-domenica-ruta","tag-drugs-alcohol-addiction","tag-family","tag-haves-vs-have-nots","tag-identity","tag-mother-daughter-relationship","tag-parent-child-relationship","tag-sexual-violence","tag-with-or-without-you"],"yoast_head":"\nWith or Without You by Domenica Ruta - BookDragon<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/apa.si.edu\/bookdragon\/with-or-without-you-by-domenica-ruta\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"With or Without You by Domenica Ruta - BookDragon\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Ah, well … who needs enemies when you have relatives like debut author Domenica Ruta? ‘Dysfunctional’ sounds nearly sane after meeting Ruta’s family on the page or stuck in the ears\u00a0\u2013 choosing the latter is especially recommended as Ruta herself narrates with chilling, detached efficiency....\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/apa.si.edu\/bookdragon\/with-or-without-you-by-domenica-ruta\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"BookDragon\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2014-03-20T14:12:52+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2014-04-17T20:32:45+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/apa.si.edu\/bookdragon\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/10\/2014\/04\/with-or-without-you1.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"948\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"1440\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Smithsonian Asian Pacific American Center\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@SmithsonianAPA\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Smithsonian Asian Pacific American Center\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"2 minutes\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"With or Without You by Domenica Ruta - BookDragon","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/apa.si.edu\/bookdragon\/with-or-without-you-by-domenica-ruta\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"With or Without You by Domenica Ruta - BookDragon","og_description":"Ah, well … who needs enemies when you have relatives like debut author Domenica Ruta? ‘Dysfunctional’ sounds nearly sane after meeting Ruta’s family on the page or stuck in the ears\u00a0\u2013 choosing the latter is especially recommended as Ruta herself narrates with chilling, detached efficiency....","og_url":"https:\/\/apa.si.edu\/bookdragon\/with-or-without-you-by-domenica-ruta\/","og_site_name":"BookDragon","article_published_time":"2014-03-20T14:12:52+00:00","article_modified_time":"2014-04-17T20:32:45+00:00","og_image":[{"width":948,"height":1440,"url":"https:\/\/apa.si.edu\/bookdragon\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/10\/2014\/04\/with-or-without-you1.jpg","type":"image\/jpeg"}],"author":"Smithsonian Asian Pacific American Center","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_creator":"@SmithsonianAPA","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Smithsonian Asian Pacific American Center","Est. reading time":"2 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/apa.si.edu\/bookdragon\/with-or-without-you-by-domenica-ruta\/","url":"https:\/\/apa.si.edu\/bookdragon\/with-or-without-you-by-domenica-ruta\/","name":"With or Without You by Domenica Ruta - BookDragon","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/apa.si.edu\/bookdragon\/#website"},"datePublished":"2014-03-20T14:12:52+00:00","dateModified":"2014-04-17T20:32:45+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/apa.si.edu\/bookdragon\/#\/schema\/person\/a00f6dcfcb279c75f3f992ad2919d51d"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/apa.si.edu\/bookdragon\/with-or-without-you-by-domenica-ruta\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/apa.si.edu\/bookdragon\/with-or-without-you-by-domenica-ruta\/"]}]},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/apa.si.edu\/bookdragon\/with-or-without-you-by-domenica-ruta\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/apa.si.edu\/bookdragon\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"With or Without You by Domenica Ruta"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/apa.si.edu\/bookdragon\/#website","url":"https:\/\/apa.si.edu\/bookdragon\/","name":"BookDragon","description":"Books for the Diverse Reader","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/apa.si.edu\/bookdragon\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":"required name=search_term_string"}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/apa.si.edu\/bookdragon\/#\/schema\/person\/a00f6dcfcb279c75f3f992ad2919d51d","name":"Smithsonian Asian Pacific American Center","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/apa.si.edu\/bookdragon\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/79b5f08575e8962bd00388cd126d374b?s=96&d=mm&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/79b5f08575e8962bd00388cd126d374b?s=96&d=mm&r=g","caption":"Smithsonian Asian Pacific American Center"},"sameAs":["https:\/\/twitter.com\/@SmithsonianAPA"],"url":"https:\/\/apa.si.edu\/bookdragon\/author\/riemert\/"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/apa.si.edu\/bookdragon\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22996"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/apa.si.edu\/bookdragon\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/apa.si.edu\/bookdragon\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/apa.si.edu\/bookdragon\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/apa.si.edu\/bookdragon\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=22996"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/apa.si.edu\/bookdragon\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22996\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":25355,"href":"https:\/\/apa.si.edu\/bookdragon\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22996\/revisions\/25355"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/apa.si.edu\/bookdragon\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/25071"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/apa.si.edu\/bookdragon\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=22996"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/apa.si.edu\/bookdragon\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=22996"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/apa.si.edu\/bookdragon\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=22996"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}